Tonight I am flying to Canberra to help celebrate a friend's 40th birthday, we are having lunch at Lambert's vineyard tomorrow; just grown ups, just girls...
My wee girl still has one breastfeed a day; actually she pretty much demands that one and then tries out her luck a dozen or so more times during the day ~ assuming the 'position' during a cuddle or just asking straight up; almost always with a sly grin.
To be honest I am so over the morning thing. I have been greeted with "mummy I want boobie" since she learned how to talk (before it was a sentence it was just "boobie" screamed at me on waking, from down the hall). Every morning I rephrase it adding a please, sometimes clarifying "you would like some milk please?"; she agrees, adds please and then clamps down ferociously.
There is a moment of peace and I feel her little body relax and mine does too... sometimes I hold my breath hoping against hope that I might just slip back to sleep. The spell is broken, the acrobatics begin. It is seriously like I am some piece of trapeze equipment; she swivels, and jerks, stands on her head (and mine) her feet start kneading like cat...usually into her daddy's spine at which point he gets a little irritated too. Her fingers find my hair and start twisting it into dreads. The acts reaches some kinds of crescendo her head pops up and she announces "other one"
... back to act one.
Lately I am done well before she is and I say "finished!", she shakes her head and mutters - still sucking madly, I insist, she protests, teeth are bared and clamp down and I extract her from me by wedging my little finger between her back gums. She wails, her dad gives up on the idea of sleep and gets up, she looks at me and asks "breakfast now?"
It is horrible!
I accepted the invitation for a weekend away about a month ago with encouragement from my beloved; last week I stopped and thought "but what about breastfeeds?"... I have been sitting with it since, even occassionally bursting into tears and giving her some when she asks at random times during the day... the day time feeds don't involve gymnastics and I do cherish them.
BUT two nights and days away might just be the end of that particular relationship and in my heart I am not sure I am ready for the end. I will have no more babies; they are far too hard to make and pregnancy and I are not on speaking terms; breastfeeding and I however have always been pretty good friends and I will be very, very sad to see her go.